so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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