girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
