hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
