I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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