just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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