I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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