My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize