What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
