My sheets look like a crime scene.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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