Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
