There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
