The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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