question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
