When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
