weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
