Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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