Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So here I am, sexting at work.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
