they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
