Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
