I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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