Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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