I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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