no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
