He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
