I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
