Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
