i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
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Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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