Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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