I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
