What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
