Swine flu. Run for my life!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
