Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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