Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
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I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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