Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
