just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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