i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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