I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
