for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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