I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
