Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
