he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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