I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
