Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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