Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
