so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
