my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I look better un-naked...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
