I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
