bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is classic penis vs brain.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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