you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
