There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
