I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
