Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize