it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
