My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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