So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
this will be a night to untag.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
