I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
