You're so nebulous sometimes
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Buhtt sex?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
