can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
