Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize