Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
