I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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