I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
