somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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