I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
