it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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