my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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