she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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