I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
