we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
