i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
