How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
