somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
