I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
