Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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