I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
