woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
