A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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