D3 body, D1 cock
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
