Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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