I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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