I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
