I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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